‘Haunted Mansion’ Review: A Little Creepy, Mostly Sleepy Ride on the Classic Disney Attraction

“Welcome, foolish mortals,” the film tells us at its beginning, echoing the Disney attraction it’s based on. And maybe we are foolish mortals if we expect too much from a film based on a Disney Parks ride. Justin Simien’s Haunted Mansion is about exactly what you would expect from a movie based on a theme park attraction. It’s far from the first film of its kind; it’s not even the first film based on the Haunted Mansion ride. It definitely skews more toward the recent Jungle Cruise, which received negative reviews and poor box office numbers, than the very successful, still mostly-beloved Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. 

The film opens in New Orleans, where Gabbie (Rosario Dawson) and her son Travis (Chase W. Dillon) have recently moved into a large mansion that they bought for a good deal on Zillow. However, within minutes of setting foot in the building, they discover that it’s haunted by some quite overactive ghosts. They enlist the help of scientist-turned-tour guide Ben (LaKeith Stanfield), priest Father Kent (Owen Wilson), history professor Bruce (Danny DeVito), and medium Harriet (Tiffany Haddish). 

It’s the sort of horror comedy that you might expect to see on the Disney Channel, except with a more famous cast and slightly nicer special effects. It’s effective in creating a creepy film that’s got a few jump scares but is still tame enough that you can take your kids to see it. The special effects aren’t particularly good, but they match the general aesthetic of the Haunted Mansion and mostly work within the context of the film. 

Katie Dippold’s script attempts to balance cheesy humor with real heart and partially succeeds. While there are jokes galore that make it clear that this is a children’s film (though Wilson carries them off better than most), the best part of the film is the way that the strange assortment of ghost hunters becomes a found family. Is it a bit forced? Yes. But it is nice to watch them team up together to try to defeat the evil spirit lurking behind the friendly ghosts at the manor. 

Unfortunately, there’s a lot lacking in the script, particularly in its backstory around William Gracie. While this part is plucked from the lore around the Haunted Mansion ride, it feels like more could have been done to expand it and give the audience more of a reason to care about Gracie’s long-lasting issues, rather than see him as a nuisance. It also frankly wastes its setting of New Orleans, a place very much associated with the ghostly and occult. Aside from some New Orleans jazziness speckled into the eerie score by Kris Bowers, it’s barely used at all. 

Most of the cast do a decent job with their roles, though DeVito and Dawson do seem to be phoning it in. Stanfield (despite his own personal controversies) does give a solid performance, particularly with his plotline around dealing with grief and loss. Jared Leto, playing the Hatbox Ghost, is the obvious weak link of the cast – he’s less haunting in this than he is in his usual roles in which he’s not playing a ghost. 

If you’re a fan of the Haunted Mansion (as many, many Disney fans are), you’ll appreciate all the little nods to the ride. From the stretching rooms to a moving chair that looks like the ride’s doom buggies to the use of “Grim Grinning Ghosts” at the end of the film, those who have the ride memorized will find lots to point at like the Leo DiCaprio meme. It’s also fun to see Oscar-winner Jamie Lee Curtis as Madame Leota, though she does somewhat miss the mark of what you might expect from the character. 

Perhaps Haunted Mansion’s biggest problem is that it attempts to be many things at once: a creepy-cute family horror movie, a touching tale about grief and loss, and an ode to a beloved Disney Parks ride. Another director might have managed to juggle these together, but unfortunately, Simien is not up to the task, and this is the sort of film you likely won’t remember much of within days of watching it. 

Finally, a moment of silence for the Guillermo del Toro Haunted Mansion movie that we almost got. 

Grade: C+

Walt Disney will release Haunted Mansion only in theaters on July 28.

Photo: Jalen Marlowe