My Jedi Journey: Inside the 24-hour ‘Star Wars’ Skywalker Saga May the 4th Marathon
The air is polluted with flat Diet Coke, bottled farts, and broken dreams.
There’s dedication and then there’s insanity. When it was announced last month that, in honor of the annual Star Wars holiday, May the 4th, falling on a Saturday this year, the studio was going to screen all 9 movies in one sitting starting on Friday, May 3rd at 8pm and conclude the next day at 7pm, I immediately texted my equally insane friends, who are Star Wars fanatics, and asked their thoughts. Part of me was hoping, deep down, they’d bring some practical sense and ask the appropriate questions: How/when would we sleep? Are we going to just eat popcorn and drink soda for 24 hours? Do we want to endure The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones, willingly?
The response was immediate: “We’re In!” and within seconds, we had tickets for the marathon without thinking about the possible implications. I kept telling myself: It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity when really, I just wanted the bragging rights. To say this was something I did, as if anyone was going to be jealous of being locked inside a movie theater overnight with a bunch of smelly adults cheering at every little Star Wars meme. Like in Revenge of the Sith when Obi-Wan exclaims: “I’ve got the high ground.”
Well judgment day finally came. May 3rd. I packed an overnight bag filled with essentials (toothpaste, a change of clothes, three portable chargers, blankets, deodorant, my will to live etc.) and headed to Emagine Canton, the only movie theater in Michigan (and one of only 14 in the country) that was crazy enough to host this geek fest with my two friends (“Are we really doing this?” we constantly asked each other). The demand was so high, the theater venue had to add another screening. So instead of 120 Star Wars fanatics having a sleepover, it ballooned to 250. This was either going to be a party or the end of civilization as we knew it. I wasn’t sure one venue could contain such fandom.
I took it upon myself to document/blog the entire thing because I am a mad man and felt it was my civic duty to report on the frontlines of this wild journey. I envisioned myself as a whistleblower. People need to know what happened here.
This is my diary of my 24 hour journey through the Skywalker Saga.
FRIDAY, MAY 3rd
7:30pm: We arrive and wait to get checked in. The energy is quite infectious. There’s someone dressed up in a full Darth Vadar regalia, a life sized Chewbacca is walking around taking pictures, Stormtroopers are being goofballs. When it’s our turn in line, the nice box office attendant gives everyone in our party green Emagine branded wristbands. For a brief moment, we feel part of an exclusive club, then remember we’re here for the next 24 hours and want to cry.
7:32pm: I lock eyes with the security guard who is checking bags for “outside food and beverages.” I’m having an internal panic attack, because hidden deep down behind my neck pillow are two Celsius energy drinks (necessary for my survival). One is peach and the other is Tropical Vibe and I don’t want to part with them. I’m worried my contraband might get confiscated.
7:33pm: It doesn’t and I feel like Pablo Escabar.
7:35pm: We are officially scoping out what is going to be considered “home” for the next day. We find the seats, and proceed to build our “nest.” We are inadvertently blessed that the seats next to us are not occupied (unlike me, they probably bought the tickets and then realized how insane the idea was and backed out at the last minute as the day before it showed the seats had been purchased). So now we have a dedicated dumping ground for all our stuff.
7:45pm: We are grabbing concessions and I’m trying to use the free sodas and popcorn I have on my loyalty account to treat my friends. It takes, I’m not kidding, four people to try and figure this out. I’m now holding up the line and I get the sense people behind me are not happy.
7:55pm: We are given the run-down of how things are going to operate with our overnight accommodations. Fun little “Star Wars” themed graphics pop on screen saying the bar is going to close at 2am, and the concession stand will remain open all night. There’s even a dedicated smoking area. There is, however, no reentry between 10:55pm-9:30am. It’s almost like they’re testing us to see who can last the longest. Challenge accepted.
8:04pm: Entire theater goes nuts for a corporate branded “Star Wars” themed info-merical featuring legendary Emagine founder Paul Glantz donning a Jedi robe who asks us to “turn off our mobile devices.” Paul, this thing is 24 hours, ain’t no one turning off their phone.
8:05pm: “The Phantom Menace” has started. People are losing their minds at the “A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…” Let’s see where this energy is at 3:45am.
8:07pm: I already noticed a masking issue with the screen as the top half is just slightly off and it doesn’t fill the whole picture. I’ve entrusted myself with the responsibility of notifying management about the issue. It’s here where I run into a gentleman named Tom, who is coincidentally Emagine’s Chief Technology Specialist and is sweating bullets because he sees what I see and is already working on solving the issue. A man of the people.
8:32pm: Jar Jar Binks says the line “Hello Boyyyyos” and I’m already wondering if it’s too late to pick up my things and leave.
8:33pm: Darth Maul!
8:34pm: I’m reminded of how terrible the Jar Jar Binks CGI is and how it very much still lives in 1999.
8:38pm: Somehow the child (Jake Llyod) from the terrible Arnold Schwarznegger holiday film “Jingle All The Way” is in this.
9:02pm: Jar Jar Binks inhales a fart and I laugh.
9:03pm: Everyone in the film gives Anakin Skywalkier the nickname “Annie” and now, that’s all I’m thinking about.
9:05pm: Warwick Davis sighting and I’m immediately reminded of this clip from the first “Leprechaun” movie.
9:14pm: I did forget how exhilarating the pod racing sequence was.
9:18pm: Anakin lets out a boisterous “Yippie!” when he’s told he can go with Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon Jinn.
9:36pm: Yoda knows this kid is bad news and if only the characters would listen to him, then we wouldn’t have eight movies to sit through.
9:48pm: Already growing a little restless. The “Dagobah Delights,” aka french toast sticks, off the themed menu, are calling my name. I’m sad to learn they aren’t being served until midnight.
9:49pm: Seeing Natalie Portman on screen suddenly reminds me she starred in the movie, Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium. No, I am not making that movie title up.
9:55pm: Darth Maul fight!
9:57pm: Lightsaber battles are lit.
10:15pm: The movie is over and people are..cheering? While standing in line to leave the theater, I catch the foul stench of the person standing in front of me. It’s going to be a long night.
10:46pm: My friend wins a giveaway where the prizes are Star Wars merch the theater clearly had lying around in their basement since 2019. Such takeaways include a Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker journal and logo posters.
10:47pm: A patron lets out an ungodly sneeze that shakes the entire room. Everyone says “bless you.” You get the sense a community is forming here.
10:52pm: One movie in, and we’re already behind schedule. Episode II begins and there’s still enthusiasm in the crowd.
10:58pm: The buzz of my “Skywalker” alcoholic beverage has kicked in and the entire theater lets out a loud “burrrrrrn” when Padme insults Anakin and says he’s “Still that little boy on Tatooine.”
11:09pm: Anakin air-jordan’s out of a flying speeder.
11:33pm: Hayden Christensen has the screen presence of a cardboard cut-out. Maybe Star Wars is bad?
11:43pm: Anakin uses his powers to make a pear levitate in what is a clear attempt at foreplay with Padme.
11:53pm: I am yawning. This does not bode well for Episode III.
SATURDAY, MAY 4th
12:06am: Not gonna lie, I’ve been dozing off sporadically and not quite sure what’s happening, but, hey, Christopher Lee is on screen!
12:34am: I’m snapped out of my intermittent slumber by my friend who is munching on an illegal apple.
12:39am: Count Dooku says the line: “Patience, she will die” and I wonder if I, too, will also die before this movie is over.
12:55am: Yay for more lightsaber battles.
12:57am: Ope, Anakin just lost his hand and here comes Yoda.
1:05am: Episode II is over. Time for french toast sticks.
1:16am: I’m thinking about my bed and the people behind me are debating the merits of the theater’s version of the BBQ chicken pizza. We are not the same.
1:20am: I make eye contact with a poor soul who is in the middle of using makeup wipes and I can sense she might be contemplating breaking up with her boyfriend sitting right next to her.
1:22am: Another group is debating on when to leave: “We can’t start a trilogy and then leave halfway through.” I assure you, young padawan, you can. Leave these infested, smelly waters and come back and tell us about life on the outside. It occurs to me that, 14 hours from now, I will still be here watching “Star Wars” films.
1:28am: Episode III has begun and people are lit.
1:34am: Obi-Wan says “This is where the fun begins” and people holler at the screen.
1:40am: My french toast sticks are delivered to my seat. I weep with joy.
1:43am: Have you ever just sat in a dark movie theater eating fresh out of the oven french toast sticks watching Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. Because Same.
1:59am: Anakin tells Padme “their child is a blessing.” You know what else is a blessing? A bed.
2:50am: Anakin is told to execute order 66 (if you know, you know).
2:58am: It’s almost time for the final showdown, but my eyelids have been telling a different story. My friend is also very loudly snoring. People are looking in our direction. I must now decide if I should be associated with him.
3:02am: Just consistently coming in-and-out of consciousness at this point. I’m lucky to get 30 minutes of uninterrupted sleep. I come up with the idea that I could knock down the “IF” standee in the lobby and turn it into a bed.
3:14am: Obi Wan and Anakin are battling in the culmination of the prequel trilogy and we are *kind’ve* back.
3:24am: Some of the volcanic visuals during the final battle is giving big Spy Kids 3D energy.
3:26am: OBI WAN HAS THE HIGH GROUND.
3:27am: Anakin gets turned into bacon.
3:31am: It is only 3:31am.
3:35am: Anakin, now Darth Vader, screams NOOOOOO and that was my reaction when the Coke freestyle machine was out of vanilla flavoring earlier.
3:41am: Thus concludes the end of the prequel trilogy. Revenge of the Sith is still far and away the best of the three. Gritty, dark and the way it deals with the manifestation of evil is kinda genius. George Lucas was cooking. Plus no more Jar Jar Binks.
3:49am: The theater is now a relic of its former self. Popcorn is all over the floor (every step is a loud crunch), the smell is very dank, people have settled into their makeshift blanket forts and there’s a mass exodus of people who are at their limits. One guy bemoans: “I need my bed.” Not me, the luxury, heated Emagine recliners will guide me through the galaxy.
3:53am: The people inside auditorium 10 are about to rise up against Emagine management if someone, anyone, doesn’t crank up the AC. We are sweltering. Who will lead the revolt? Is the force strong with us?
3:55am: Looking around, I can see communities are forming. I imagine a utopia in each section of the theater where elections are happening, alliances begin, and treaties are signed. I also imagine a section developing into a cult like what Marcia Gay Harden does in The Mist and suddenly, I am on edge for no reason.
3:58am: They have started Revenge of the Sith again. I repeat. Revenge of the Sith has started again. Is this what hell is like?
4:05am: A New Hope starts and people are calm again. The air conditioner has kicked on.
5:15am: A cacophony of snoring can be heard throughout the theater. They faintly move in sync with Darth Vader’s breathing.
5:23am: It’s worth noting, the lobby during the movie is a different world. Peace, tranquility, and, more importantly, good air quality.
5:24am: I wonder if the anthropomorphized banana on the “IF” standee is edible.
5:44am: The scene where they are mapping out their plans to destroy the Death Star has big “Top Gun: Maverick” vibes.
6:05am: A New Hope ends but there’s no hope for our future.
6:13am: I look around the theater, and see a lot of people (including me) maybe regretting this decision. The air is polluted with flat Diet Coke, bottled farts, and broken dreams. I’m confident a new strain of COVID might be gestating in this very auditorium. The AC is off again.
6:17am: If you peak outside, you can see the faint glimmer of something they call “the sun.”
6:20am: I’ll never forgive Disney brass for setting this up so The Empire Strikes Back is playing at 6:20am.
6:36am: Incest! Leia kisses Luke! At 6:30 in the morning.
6:58am: Hallelujah they have cranked up the AC and it’s nice and chilly rather than soggy and sad.
7:38am: I realize we’ve now been here for 12 hours.
7:45am: Barely staying awake. Debating if I should get some “Vader Tots” to help me stay alive.
7:54am: “I love you” – “I know!” – and I’m the only one who cheers. The people sitting behind me look offended at my existence.
8:08am: Luke loses his hand!! Here comes the money shot.
8:16am: Empire ends. I bolt to the concession stand to put in an order of “Vader Tots,” because my body needs excess saturated fat and sodium to function today.
8:37am: Return of the Jedi has begun. The faithful are still cheering. I’m not quite sure what year it is.
8:49am: There’s a weird musical number inside Bobby Fett’s club which I had forgotten about and now I really want to go home. Mom, can you pick me up?
8:55am: I sneak away to brush my teeth and change my clothes inside the Emagine men’s bathroom. As I sit there staring at myself in the mirror, I ponder: Is this what my life has come too?
9:19am: There’s a baby inside the house. Someone has brought a literal child to the proceedings. Honestly, super impressed because six movies in, we hadn’t heard a peep. Debating if I should report the mom for child endangerment because she showed the baby the series chronologically rather than in release order.
9:29am: The “Loaded Vader Tots,” which are tater tots smothered with egg, bacon, sausage, cheese, and “sith” sauce, are giving me life.
9:34am: Between, popcorn, tater tots, french toast sticks and the inevitable “Porg Bites” (aka chicken tendies) I’m gonna order later, my gut (and bank account) are not gonna be happy. But I’m built for this. Who needs things like “fruits,” “vegetables,” and “financial stability?”
9:39am: We have entered Ewok country.
10:11am: “It’s a trap!” And so is this movie theater.
10:37am: The Darth Vader helmet comes off and he still looks like Humpty Dumpty. Please forgive my sense of humor, I’ve been up over 24 hours with a cumulative 4 hours of sleep spread across 6 films.
10:43am: That marks the end of the OG trilogy. There’s a genuine sense of accomplishment in the room as someone, who I’m assuming is named Kyle, cracks open a Monster energy drink and says: “I can’t believe we’ve made it this far.” Me too, kid. Me too.
11:05am: The Force Awakens is upon us. I remember liking this.
11:07am: BB8 you adorable little droid you.
11:21am: Gotta love Simon Pegg’s garbled SIXTY PORTIONS. I’ve had about sixty portions of popcorn if you know what I mean.
11:40am: Kylo Ren is given bad news and just throws a hissy fit. Funny guy.
11:43am: “Chewie, we’re home” – always a banger delivery from Harrison Ford who looks very tired of this franchise.
12:29pm: I always LOL when Kylo Ren builds up to taking off his helmet like it’ll be some huge revelation and then it’s just Adam Driver.
12:41pm: I’ve been in this theater so long I’ve forgotten what daylight is like.
12:53pm: RIP Han Solo.
12:57pm: I think the snowy woods might be my favorite locale for a lightsaber battle. Or maybe it’s just the vanilla Coke Zero coursing through my veins. Could really use some adderall right about now.
1:11pm: The Force Awakens ends, the AC has shut off again, I’m peeling out of my chair as I head to have my popcorn refilled. Only two movies remain. Everyone in this theater, including me, needs a shower.
1:26pm: My Star Wars marathon companion managed to sneak in blackberries and other assorted fruits from the outside world into the theater. We might just make it.
1:28pm: It’s Celsius O’clock. I chug one and it’s like all those moments in the “Fast and Furious” franchsie where a character hits the super charge button and it gives them an ungodly boost to the finish line.
1:33pm: As The Last Jedi begins, someone screams: “If you’re still here, then you’re an OG!” Guess that makes me an OG! Mom, I’ve made it.
1:48pm: PORG sighting! Take a shot. Jk, that’ll kill me.
1:53pm: Luke’s blue milkshakes bring all the Porgs to the yard.
2:31pm: Time no longer has meaning.
2:36pm: Totally forgot Benico Del Toro was in this.
3:17pm: Yeah the light saber battle inside Snoke’s chamber still goes insanely hard and gives me chills. It has brought this theater back to LIFE like when Eminem was a surprise guest at Ed Sheeren’s concert in Detroit last summer.
3:56pm: The Last Jedi? Best Star Wars? People are talking.
4:05pm. We are down to the final movie. I’d like to thank the Academy. Also, I open up my backpack to grab something and notice my tropical vibe Celsius has been leaking (:
4:09pm: I’d say the room has been whittled down considerably from when we started. Like an episode of “Survivor.” We started with at least 125 down to, maybe, 60? All I can smell is sticky soda and stale popcorn. Truly feel terrible for the crew who has to clean this crime scene up after it’s over.
4:11pm: Paul Glantz, founder of Emagine Theaters, better be outside after this movie and give every able-bodied person (and baby) in this theater a handshake.
4:18pm: “The Rise of Skywalker” has begun and I’m immediately reminded why it sucks.
4:22pm. Absolutely brutal that J.J. Abrams caved into toxic fandom and butchered the foundation Rian Johnson left for him at the end of The Last Jedi. Bringing back Palpatine versus making Kylo Ren the sole baddie was just a boneheaded move.
4:26pm: Also brutal they spliced in old footage of Carrie Fisher, which they then had to sculpt a narrative around, rather than telling the best story. Or just recasting the role. Yeeesh.
4:31pm: There are those dreaded words you never want your proctologist to say in the middle of a check-up: “Somehow, Palpatine has returned.”
5:15pm: By my calculations, we’ve got like 75 mins.
5.29pm: Making the marathon end with “Rise of Skywalker” is really quite something.
5:43pm: Hours down to minutes. It’ll be nice because not only do I get to leave, I never have to think about Rise of Skywalker again.
5:55pm: Rey is heading into the final battle and I can see light at the end of the tunnel.
6:13pm: Some teenagers start singing “Sweet Home Alabama” when Ben and Rey smooch. You know what, the kids are alright.
6:29pm: Yay it’s over! Everyone in the movie is rejoicing. We’re cheering. Some are crying. Some are hugging. We did it! We survived. I feel alive! Just kidding, I need to bathe myself in holy water and take about 3 to 5 business days to recover.
6:32pm: As we’re gathering our things, a gentleman stands up and yells to the entire theater that it was his wife’s first time seeing any Star Wars movie. Someone needs to do a wellness check on that woman and asks if she needs therapy.
6:45pm: Management flip on the house lights and do one last giveaway. They give everyone who made it the full marathon a commemorative poster. We all act like we’ve just won an Olympic gold medal.
6:50pm: We walk outside and the wall of fresh air hits instantly. It’s a high I’ve never felt before. We’re back to reality and the best part? There’s not a stormtrooper in sight.
Happy May the 4th and pour one out for the OG’s!
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