A definitive ranking of Matt Rogers’ and Dave Mizzoni’s title cards from Quibi’s ‘Gayme Show’

Gayme Show, or as its known in the queer community, the best show on Quibi. Already gay AF, Matt Rogers and Dave Mizzoni host as two straight contestants compete in a series of physical, mental, and performance challenges to test their gay knowledge in order to become true allys and reign as Queen of the Straights.

At the top of each show, Matt and Dave are greeted by super gay title cards; some are personality traits, some are shade and just a little bit of tea. They really help us ‘get’ Matt and Dave’s celebrity essences, bringing us – sometimes uncomfortably – into their lives with the bwappp of a fan and click of a tongue pop.

Honestly though, this show has Tawny Newsome, drama, Joel Kim Booster, ACTING, Bowen Yang, partial nudity, Ilana Glazer…what more do you need?

Here now is a definitive ranking of each of the title cards held by hosts Matt Rogers and Dave Mizzoni across the eight episodes of Gayme Show and, because I hear her, an added bonus of the ranking of vocal powerhouse and certified gay icon Vonzell Solomon’s equally legendary intros and titles.

Release them!

1. Episode 8 – Best Supporting Actress (+1000 points for Matt’s “gross”)

• Matt – Invites Chris Pine to end him
• Dave – Recently wallpapered his bathroom

2. Episode 4 – Gay Oregon Trail

• Dave – Bethenny rising, Dorinda moon
• Matt – Identifies as Lisa Rinna

3. Episode 3 – Hear Her

• Matt – Can do a mustache
• Dave – Started blonde hair

4. Episode 7 – She’s Running

• Matt – Was dumped by Dave in 2012
• Dave – Doesn’t remember dating Matt

5. Episode 2 – Respect Kirsten

• Matt – Carrie, Samantha rising
• Dave – Full Charlotte

6. Episode 5 – Notice Me, Father

• Matt – Has seen Kelly Clarkson 12 times
• Dave – Knows Kyra Sedgwick

7. Episode 1 – What Lies Beneath

• Dave – Has a cousin that’s straight
• Matt – Also has a cousin that’s straight

8. Episode 6 – Acting Battle (messed up the order, minus 100 points)

• Matt – Britney energy
• Dave – X-tina energy

Vonzell Solomon

1: Dua Lipa, of course Dua Lipa is queer for ‘how is your family?’ – Looks and sounds like this from Episode 5 – Notice Me, Father

2. Shania Twain, which is gay community means ‘it’s fucking showtime, baby’ – Has permission to end our lives from Episode 6 – Acting Battle

3. Rita Ora, which is queer for ‘Ok, gorgeous!’ – I mean, come on from Episode 1 – What Lies Beneath

4. Demi Lovato, of course Demi Lovato is the gay aloha, it means ‘hello and goodbye’ – The inventor of singing from Episode 7 – She’s Running

5. Linda Cardellini, in our community that means ‘power to the people’ – Let’s fucking GO from Episode 8 – Best Supporting Actress

6. Bebe Rexha, which in the gay community means ‘salutations’ – Your house band could never from Episode 2 – Respect Kirsten

7. JoJo Siwa, which in this house means ‘peace be with you’ – earned her doctorate in riffing from Episode 3 – Hear Her

8. Camila Cabello, which in the gay community means ‘it’s our turn’ – vocal lighthouse from Episode 4 – Gay Oregon Trail

All 8 episodes of Gayme Show are currently streaming on Quibi.