The second group of six girls walk back into the Werk Room, and lay eyes on the original group of seven girls for the first time, and a sense of (false) tension fills the room. But seconds later, they all erupt into a symphony of trills, cheers and kikis. Jan and Brita immediately run to each other: they are from the same drag family. In fact, five of the thirteen girls are from New York City, and it seems as though there is going to be another NYC vs. everyone else dynamic looming. The girls compare notes in regards to the events of their episodes, discussing how Jaida and Widow won their episodes. Jaida asks if the first seven girls have run into any personal issues yet, and holding their cards close, they all agree, “No!” Crystal pries, “So you already had a fight?” The second six girls admit that there was already some conflict between the Top Two. Widow is LIVING: “I enjoy when bitches tell me what their weaknesses are,” she grins. Brita announces that the first group of girls have already decided that they are the Top Seven; Jan counters that after Top Seven comes the Top Six.
When the girls return out of drag to the Werk Room next day, there’s a Mini Challenge: a “Queer Peer Assessment.” Widow and Jaida, having won their respective episode’s main challenge must order the girls they have just met from Top to Bottom. Widow decides that Sherry > Jan > Dahlia > Rock M. > Aiden, while Jaida’s order is Gigi > Brita > Nicky > Jackie > Crystal > Heidi. Ru announces that four Team Captains for this week’s Maxi Challenge will be Widow and Jaida (the Top Queens from each premiere), and that Aiden and Heidi, the two girls they put at the bottom of the pecking order will be the other two. This is a MOMENT for Heidi: like we saw in the first episode and the Untucked where she has a run-in with Guest Judge Nicki Minaj, this bumpkin doesn’t take criticism extremely well, but manages to feel her own oats in a way that thankfully hints away just enough from delusion or bitterness, and this is a very special thing to be cherished. Heidi rejoices, “I am the leader of my own group, and we ‘gon show [Jaida] up.” YAS!
Ru continues to explain that this week’s Maxi Challenge will be a show called “World’s Worst:” working in four teams, they’ll test their improv skills playing wannabe performers with big dreams, outrageous backstories and no talent. Aiden picks Sherry and Brita; Heidi picks Jackie and Gigi and; Widow picks Nicky and Crystal; Jaida picks Jan and Dahlia. Rock M. is the only girl who hasn’t been picked, and joking “Who’s left? Just me and her,” as she points to a mannequin, it’s refreshing to see such a cute and gracious reaction to being picked last, after seasons upon seasons of other scowling queens launched into a screeching confessional rant about how all the other queens are underestimating her talent! Ru tells Rock M. that she can join whatever group she would like, and Rock M. picks Jaida, Jan and Dahlia.
The “Del Rio Trio” (Heidi N. Closet, Jackie Cox and Gigi Goode) are playing “three-part harmony singers and instrumentalists,” citing the Andrews Sisters (YAS! You love to see when Drag Race drops references to the Legends that the children have never come across! Now, hurry and listen to “Rum and Coca-Cola!”). Just before heading in to be judged by Ross, Charo and Drag Race Legend ORNACIA (Motha has arrived!), Blanca (Gigi Goode) passes out, so Bronca (Jackie Cox) and Cronca (Heidi N. Closet) carry her in and sit her down on a stool, and Bronca treats her limp body like a ventriloquist dummy. Heidi is the scene stealer, Jackie is the Bea Arthur that grounds these Not So Golden Girls, and Gigi is mostly a prop during their number. Where is the improv? She better not be excessively praised for this! Still, once she gets her moments in by the end of the skit, she’s adequate.
“The Squirrel Scouts” (Crystal Methyd, Nicky Doll and Widow Von’Du) are auditioning to add a Reality Television Merit Badge to their lanyards of pins and in the company of their caged stuffed squirrel, attempt to sell the judges a product called “Nut Butter.” Widow is the only one who is really bringing it as an alcoholic who apparently likes barbeque sauce and swallows taste-tests, while Nicky and Crystal really fail to do anything that will register as memorable.
“The Fruity Patooties” (Rock M. Sakura, Dahlia Sin and Jan) come in dressed as an orange, a stalk of broccoli and a bunch of grapes: they’re a gay group (Get it? Fruits?). Ross is confused as to why a broccoli is in the group, giving Dahlia a chance to ad lib, but missing this cue, Jan swoops in for the save, calling Dahlia a “Brocc-Ally.” Dahlia is not looking polished, and that’s throwing her game off, and denying her of her singular defining trait as a drag queen. Jaida Essence Hall is a big, bad apple whose purpose pretty much boils down to exposing the group as being phonies: it turns out that they are not really gay after all when they are unable to correctly name “Lambs” as the name for Mariah Carey’s fans, and are instantly able to name the last Super Bowl winners.
“3 Girls, 1 Brain” (Sherry Pie, Brita and Aiden Zhane) play a trio of girls who met at a bus stop, were struck by lightning, and now allegedly share a brain. Asked to compose a poem about a man from Miss-i-Pippi, they proceed with drawn out effort to slowly recite the rest of Humpty Dumpty together out of unison. At first, it is sort of funny for the first couple of sentences, but becomes very predictable and laborious, and you can’t wait for it to be over.
Overall, this wasn’t really a great challenge: only “The Del Rio Trio” had a funny and memorable performance, and the rest were almost actively unfunny. Well, if this had to be a filler episode, at least it happened early in the season, and hopefully the rest of the season crescendos!
Ranking the World’s Worst challenge:
The runway isn’t much better, and to be honest, it’s not really worth ranking. All of the looks are pretty much just okay: there isn’t a new classic on the stage, and only Widow Von’Du (what kind of half-baked Asia O’Hara nonsense is this? No!) and Aiden Zhane (the colour is pretty, but it’s just an over-sized sweater with some bows glued to it) are actively bad. The notable stand-out is Gigi Goode, allegedly covered in 25,000 orange buttons: the silhouette is nice and fits her well, and the plunging neckline is RIGHT! Finally nice to see her with no helmet in sight!
Widow Von’Du, Jaida Essence Hall, Jan, Rock M. Sakura, Gigi Goode, Aiden Zhane and Brita are announced as safe and ordered to leave the stage. The judges love Dahlia’s look and presentation (bouncing on the runway like a bunny), but Ru calls her out for consistently turning her face away from the camera. Ross praises Heidi for having a character, and being consistently funny the entire time. When they continue to praise her for her Pinocchio inspired look, Heidi shares a story of being mistaken for a girl at a high school track event, and “He’s a real boy!” became a punch line for her. Awww! How could anyone not love her? Ru notes how Jaida identified her as being the weakest competition earlier in the episode: joke’s on her! Michelle praises Jackie for listening to her previous makeup critique (it’s true: there is no five o’clock shadow to clock. Yay!) and Carson gushes over her runway look, “It’s Strawberry Shortcake if she ran a brothel!” Ross praises her fearlessness of making weird, funny faces instead of trying to be sexy and killing comedy. Ru thinks that Crystal faded into the background in her improv group (praising Widow), and Michelle complains that she is already bored of how Crystal paints her face. Crystal starts to cry, which is wonderfully ironic, because she has a smile painted onto her face, and it’s a jarring contrast that is serving unintentional camp on this day! Carson praises Nicky for her polished look, and obsesses over her wig done up like a button as a fascinator (#wiginator!) but Olivia Munn think that she disappeared in the improv challenge, and Michelle elaborates that she felt nerves. Carson encourages her to include some French into her future challenges. Sherry is praised for her comedic timing.
The judges deliberate: Heidi, Jackie and Crystal are safe, and Sherry has won the challenge. Noooo! Heidi was so robbed! Also Jackie Cox! It’s mind-blowing Rigga Morris that the challenge winner came from one of the unfunny groups and not from The Del Rio Trio! The bottom two is Nicky Doll and Dahlia Sin.
The lip sync song is “Problem” by Ariana Grande featuring Iggy Azalea, and right off the bat, the lip sync is pretty basic and low energy. Nicky and Dahlia are attempting the same thing: they are both really caught up in being beautiful and sexy, but their faces aren’t particularly expressive, there are no memorable poses or dance moves, and their lip sync technique isn’t very tight (and Dahlia even misses a string of lyrics in Iggy’s rap verse). At one point, both of them decide to ditch their headpieces, and neither the moment of transition nor are the remaining wigs are anything to gag over, but at least Nicky has a very slicked back, polished look going on. This will be one of those lip syncs where in the future, you’re watching an episode of Drag Race with your friends, and unwilling to let the night end, you watch all your favourite lip syncs on YouTube, and when this comes up on auto play, you hit cancel and think of a better one to put on next. It will neither figure in greatest or worst lip sync lists: it’s just meh, and immediately forgettable. Still, Nicky has enough points adding up in her favour that it looks as though she will be the one to survive this battle, and it’s no surprise that Ru tells her “Enchanté, you stay.”
But, the episode is not about to end on a fizzle, despite an episode-long commitment to mediocrity, because Miss Dahlia is about to give us a MOMENT! Blowing a couple half-hearted kisses, Dahlia says “Thank you,” and walks towards the door. As the other queens encourage her with “We love you, Dahlia” she throws up her arms and quickly lowers them to urge them to stop, and angrily clacks her heels on around the corner and out the door: no sassy one-liner, no last pose, no nothing! It’s angry and bitter, entitled and unsportsmanlike, and absolutely wonderful: bringing one last flicker of drama to mark her departure. She’s shocked by the outcome, and thinks Crystal should have been lip syncing instead of her. Whew! Who wants a gracious, grateful exit, when we can see one like this!
Weekly Overall ranking:
David Acacia lives in Toronto, Canada, posts regularly on AwardsWorthy forums, and is the self-appointed High Priest of the Church of Meryl Streep. He is also a member of the International Cinephile Society where he writes for film reviews as film festival coverage.
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