‘The Dating Game’ Review: Violet Du Feng’s Relationship Doc Struggles with the Balance of Political and Personal [C] – Sundance Film Festival

In The Dating Game, the latest documentary from Violet Du Feng (Hidden Letters, Nanking) the complications of modern-day romance are framed by a specific context: the social and cultural ramifications of China’s policies over time. From the “one-child policy” to rapid urbanization in the 1990s, Feng understands that what happens in the past shapes a society’s future. Here, the personal is political as we follow three single men attending a “dating camp” in hopes of finding love. During their time in the seven-day camp hosted by a dating coach, the trio will get makeovers, attempt to approach women, and maybe even get a date. The Dating Game attempts to provide a nuanced look at dating through a specific cultural perspective, but ultimately bites off more than it can chew.
Our three bachelors who are looking for love are Wu, a quiet and reserved 24-year-old, Zhou, an honest and well-meaning man who’s concerned he’s “too old” to date at 31, and Li, a shy and insecure 28-year-old who wants to work on his self-esteem. They are in the hands of Hao, a dating coach (for straight men) who has some, frankly, awful ideas about wooing women. He extols the virtues of the “push and pull” technique (offering backhanded compliments and uneven affection as a way to keep women drawn in) and puts down the guys when they protest or want to be more honest in their dating style. It’s tough to watch as the group tries to, at Hao’s suggestion, approach women in public and ask them to be added on WeChat. Hao’s strategy for women is largely, frustratingly unquestioned in the first segment of the documentary until we meet his wife.
Wen, who is also a dating coach (for straight women), has a different, more sensible approach to her dating advice for her clients, urging them to work on themselves to attract potential partners. The tension between their two styles boils over in one scene in the film, where she is honest about his dating advice, rightfully calling his “push and pull” techniques stupid. She also is frank about their relationship: “I always have to agree with you or you get upset…it’s unacceptable.” This forces Hao to examine his methods (for a moment at least), and gestures towards the larger cracks in the dating landscape.
The guys and Hao are all from working-class backgrounds, one of the many complicating factors the film touches on. We learn about their childhoods in tandem with the political issues that have had an unshakeable effect. For instance, Wu shares a heartbreaking memory of seeing infant girls on the side of the road as a kid, and we learn his mother had to leave to make a living in a larger city outside of their rural town. Hao also opens up about his struggle to break out of his class and succeed beyond his upbringing. They are tender and important asides that help us understand the guys, but the film has some trouble focusing on how much to dive into any one of the multitude of issues it raises. In addition to the one-child policy, rapid urbanization, and class discrepancies, there is also a segment on the rise of virtual boyfriends with single women. It’s an intriguing array of important issues, but here they are briefly touched on. The movie seems to be begging for either a narrow scope or room to examine all the complications present in modern dating.
There is one throughline between the men and women we meet in the film though, and it’s a social disconnect. During one moment at a dog cafe where the bachelors are taking photos for their profiles, Wu’s quiet and reserved demeanor softens around the animals as he talks to them, and pets them. “Dealing with people is more complicated,” he says plainly. “It’s like that old saying goes, ‘The heart of others is not ours to see.’” It’s a very honest and tender moment that is also universal. Zhou also has a moment where he sheds light on the pressures of dating for marriage: “Girls have to feel that you deserve the rest of their life.”
Ultimately, while peppered with tender moments and earnest attempts at nuance and understanding, The Dating Game falls short. It’s strongest when it gives its subjects the space to open up and be human and falters when it tries to cram all the ideas and socio-political background of a country into one film. The personal is indeed political, but the film has a hard time doing justice to both.
Grade: C
This review is from the 2025 Sundance Film Festival where The Dating Game had its world premiere. The film is currently seeking U.S. distribution.
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